3 Common Fears Moms of ADHD Kiddos Have

For many women, the day they become a mom is the day they become a worrier. Some have been worriers their whole lives. But if a woman wasn’t already a big worrier, she is definitely one after becoming a mom.

“Will I be a good mom?”

“Will my partner be a good parent?”

“What if something happens to my partner and I become a single parent?”

“Will my child make good friends?”

“Will they do well in school?”

“Will they face any mental, physical, or social difficulties in their life?”

Moms worry. It’s in their DNA. But moms of children with ADHD face a unique set of fears. I know I probably can’t convince you not to worry, but I’m here to tell you that you and your child will survive this, in fact, your child can thrive with ADHD. 

At Focus Forward, I hear a variety of fears moms face. But, I want to focus on three fears that I’ve observed the most from moms of children with ADHD.

1. Will the stigma of ADHD define my child forever?

“I’m not ashamed of who I am, but I’m tired of being defined by a disorder.” – Gloria Joynt-Lang

Your child being diagnosed with ADHD might feel like your life will be changed forever. However, the fact is, being diagnosed is only defining the struggle your child has been facing their whole life.  When diagnosed, you will gain an increased understanding of your child’s brain. The fact that they constantly fidget, speak out of turn, and procrastinate will make a little more sense. You’ll have increased patience for their energizer-bunny energy level. However, this new diagnosis will also cause new fears to creep in. Will this diagnosis define my child?

Yes, people with ADHD face additional challenges in life. Yes, your child will have to try different methods to learn how they can best focus on the task at hand. Yes, they will probably have to exert more energy to overcome their forgetfulness. But ADHD does not mean your child will forever be riding the “hot mess express”.

People with ADHD can indeed thrive in school and in life. I would know, I’m one of them! I struggled to keep up with projects, stay organized and maintain a schedule, but I was determined to not let my ADHD define me and to be a more successful human. I started to seek out resources–I found a support system, developed a plan for every goal I had, and built a toolkit of concepts I could use to turn my struggles into my superpowers. I learned how to use my tendency to become ultra-focused on one thing to my benefit!  But, it took me almost failing out of college to get to this point. I want to help your child identify their specific struggles, and help them build a toolkit of their own so they can be independent, successful humans too! This passion is the reason I created Focus Forward.

As a parent of a child with ADHD, your child’s success in life is highly dependent on the support they receive. From you, from their school, from their community of friends. If you don’t want them to view ADHD as “bad” or a “stigma,” help them understand what’s going on in their brain and how to advocate for themself. 

(Still reeling from the initial diagnosis of ADHD? Check out my blog, My Child Has Been Diagnosed with ADHD, Now What?)

2. Fear of the future

“The best way to predict your future is to create it.” – Abraham Lincoln

From the moment two lines appear on the pregnancy test, women begin dreaming about their baby and their future as a mom. No one knows what the future holds, but that doesn’t mean women and moms can’t think (or overthink) endlessly about it.

Many moms may feel like having ADHD means their child will not be able to lead the normal life they had dreamed of for them. You might be wondering if there is any chance your child will be successful on their own. Will they be dependent on you for the rest of their life? Many moms dread the idea of being an “empty nester”, but now you may be wondering if that phase will ever come for you. 

While I can’t predict the future, I can share my experience of living with ADHD and coaching kiddos with ADHD. Did I struggle? Absolutely. Did I need extra help in some areas? Sure did. But am I still living with my parents? No. Has ADHD inhibited my ability to succeed? Not at all. I can honestly say, with all humility, that I have become an extremely successful momma, wife, and business owner, not despite my ADHD but with the help of my ADHD. And, the kiddos I coach have gained the same confidence in themselves and their ability to accomplish any of their goals when they have a better understanding of their ADHD and a personal game plan. With this, they can gain independence and take control of their lives – so you can go back to just being mom.

3. Fear of Failure

“Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising every time we fail.” — Confucious

In my opinion, the fear of failure is pretty universal. Almost everyone has, at one point or another, feared failure. No one wants to fail. It’s not in our nature. We all want to be successful. Whether in our career, or building a family, or another life goal, we want to achieve the things we put our minds to. 

So it’s no surprise that moms of children with ADHD struggle with the fear of their child failing or a fear of failing as a parent. And, due to a lack of focus, impulse control, forgetfulness, and disorganization, people with ADHD do face a greater chance of failure. 

However, as anyone who has ever failed knows, the crucial part isn’t the actual failure but our response to the failure. Will we give up? Or will we pull up our bootstraps and try again? And again. And again.

Kids with ADHD need to understand that failing doesn’t make them a failure. They need to learn that failure is ok. Failure is an essential part of being human. It’s how we grow. 

So what does that mean for moms of kids with ADHD? It means your children will need encouragement time after time after time. It means you’ll need to sit with them in their disappointment, allow them to feel sad, and then help them move on and try again, try a different path to success.

As I said above, this is a lesson I learned. And learned and learned and learned. (And am still learning!) But the important part is that I didn’t give up. I kept on keeping on. And I want to share my experience and knowledge with you and your child. Having ADHD won’t make all of your fears a reality. It simply means that life offered your child an opportunity to prove that they can handle hard things. And they’ll be stronger for it.

Whether your child is in elementary school, high school, college, or a young adult spreading their wings for the first time, we can help. We know ADHD affects not only academics but figuring out how to navigate typical life situations as well. 

As someone who has lots of experience riding the “hot mess express”–feeling frazzled, unorganized, and overwhelmed, I want to help you and your child learn their unique superpower in the chaos of ADHD. 

Whether or not you’re ready to trade in your fears, we’d love to talk. Our consultations are entirely free. We simply want to hear your heart and alleviate some of your worries. 

Are you ready?

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